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- $Unique_ID{SSP02155}
- $Title{The Comedy of Errors: Act III, Scene I}
- $Author{Shakespeare, William}
- $Subject{}
- $Log{Dramatis Personae*02150.txt}
-
- Portions copyright (c) CMC ReSearch, Inc., 1989
-
- The Complete Works of William Shakespeare
-
- THE COMEDY OF ERRORS
-
-
- ACT III
- ................................................................................
-
-
- SCENE I: Before the house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus.
- . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
-
- {Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, DROMIO of Ephesus,
- ANGELO, and BALTHAZAR.}
-
- ANTIPHOLUS
- OF EPHESUS: Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all;
- My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours:
- Say that I linger'd with you at your shop
- To see the making of her carcanet,
- And that to-morrow you will bring it home.
- But here's a villain that would face me down
- He met me on the mart, and that I beat him,
- And charged him with a thousand marks in gold,
- And that I did deny my wife and house.
- Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this? 10
-
- DROMIO OF EPHESUS: Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know;
- That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand
- to show:
- If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave
- were ink,
- Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
-
- ANTIPHOLUS
- OF EPHESUS: I think thou art an ass.
-
- DROMIO OF EPHESUS: Marry, so it doth appear
- By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear.
- I should kick, being kick'd; and, being at that pass,
- You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass.
-
- ANTIPHOLUS
- OF EPHESUS: You're sad, Signior Balthazar: pray God our cheer
- May answer my good will and your good welcome here. 20
-
- BALTHAZAR: I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your
- welcome dear.
-
- ANTIPHOLUS
- OF EPHESUS: O, Signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish,
- A table full of welcome make scarce one dainty dish.
-
- BALTHAZAR: Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.
-
- ANTIPHOLUS
- OF EPHESUS: And welcome more common; for that's nothing but words.
-
- BALTHAZAR: Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.
-
- ANTIPHOLUS
- OF EPHESUS: Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparing guest:
- But though my cates be mean, take them in good part;
- Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.
- But, soft! my door is lock'd. Go bid them let us in. 30
-
- DROMIO OF EPHESUS: Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicel, Gillian, Ginn!
-
- DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: [Within] Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb,
- idiot, patch!
- Either get thee from the door, or sit down at
- the hatch.
- Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st
- for such store,
- When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door.
-
- DROMIO OF EPHESUS: What patch is made our porter? My master stays in
- the street.
-
- DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: [Within] Let him walk from whence he came, lest he
- catch cold on's feet.
-
- ANTIPHOLUS
- OF EPHESUS: Who talks within there? ho, open the door!
-
- DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: [Within] Right, sir; I'll tell you when, an you tell
- me wherefore.
-
- ANTIPHOLUS
- OF EPHESUS: Wherefore? for my dinner: I have not dined to-day. 40
-
- DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: [Within] Nor to-day here you must not; come again
- when you may.
-
- ANTIPHOLUS
- OF EPHESUS: What art thou that keepest me out from the house
- I owe?
-
- DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: [Within] The porter for this time, sir, and my name
- is Dromio.
-
- DROMIO OF EPHESUS: O villain! thou hast stolen both mine office and
- my name.
- The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame.
- If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place,
- Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name or thy
- name for an ass.
-
- LUCE: [Within] What a coil is there, Dromio? who are those
- at the gate?
-
- DROMIO OF EPHESUS: Let my master in, Luce.
-
- LUCE: [Within] Faith, no; he comes too late; 50
- And so tell your master.
-
- DROMIO OF EPHESUS: O Lord, I must laugh!
- Have at you with a proverb--Shall I set in my staff?
-
- LUCE: [Within] Have at you with another; that's--When?
- can you tell?
-
- DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: [Within] If thy name be call'd Luce--Luce, thou hast
- answered him well.
-
- ANTIPHOLUS: Do you hear, you minion? you'll let us in, I hope?
- OF EPHESUS
-
- LUCE: [Within] I thought to have asked you.
-
- DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: [Within] And you said no.
-
- DROMIO OF EPHESUS: So, come, help: well struck! there was blow
- for blow.
-
- ANTIPHOLUS
- OF EPHESUS: Thou baggage, let me in.
-
- LUCE: [Within] Can you tell for whose sake? 60
-
- DROMIO OF EPHESUS: Master, knock the door hard.
-
- LUCE: [Within] Let him knock till it ache.
-
- ANTIPHOLUS
- OF EPHESUS: You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.
-
- LUCE: [Within] What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in
- the town?
-
- ADRIANA: [Within] Who is that at the door that keeps all
- this noise?
-
- DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: [Within] By my troth, your town is troubled with
- unruly boys.
-
- ANTIPHOLUS
- OF EPHESUS: Are you there, wife? you might have come before.
-
- ADRIANA: [Within] Your wife, sir knave! go get you from
- the door.
-
- DROMIO OF EPHESUS: If you went in pain, master, this 'knave' would
- go sore.
-
- ANGELO: Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome: we would
- fain have either. 70
-
- BALTHAZAR: In debating which was best, we shall part with
- neither.
-
- DROMIO OF EPHESUS: They stand at the door, master; bid them welcome
- hither.
-
- ANTIPHOLUS
- OF EPHESUS: There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.
-
- DROMIO OF EPHESUS: You would say so, master, if your garments were thin.
- Your cake there is warm within; you stand here in
- the cold:
- It would make a man mad as a buck, to be so bought
- and sold.
-
- ANTIPHOLUS
- OF EPHESUS: Go fetch me something: I'll break ope the gate.
-
- DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: [Within] Break any breaking here, and I'll break your
- knave's pate.
-
- DROMIO OF EPHESUS: A man may break a word with you, sir, and words are
- but wind,
- Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not
- behind. 80
-
- DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: [Within] It seems thou want'st breaking: out upon
- thee, hind!
-
- DROMIO OF EPHESUS: Here's too much 'out upon thee!' I pray thee,
- let me in.
-
- DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: [Within] Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have
- no fin.
-
- ANTIPHOLUS
- OF EPHESUS: Well, I'll break in: go borrow me a crow.
-
- DROMIO OF EPHESUS: A crow without feather? Master, mean you so?
- For a fish without a fin, there's a fowl without a
- feather;
- If a crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow
- together.
-
- ANTIPHOLUS
- OF EPHESUS: Go get thee gone; fetch me an iron crow.
-
- BALTHAZAR: Have patience, sir; O, let it not be so!
- Herein you war against your reputation 90
- And draw within the compass of suspect
- The unviolated honour of your wife.
- Once this,--your long experience of her wisdom,
- Her sober virtue, years and modesty,
- Plead on her part some cause to you unknown:
- And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse
- Why at this time the doors are made against you.
- Be ruled by me: depart in patience,
- And let us to the Tiger all to dinner,
- And about evening come yourself alone 100
- To know the reason of this strange restraint.
- If by strong hand you offer to break in
- Now in the stirring passage of the day,
- A vulgar comment will be made of it,
- And that supposed by the common rout
- Against your yet ungalled estimation
- That may with foul intrusion enter in
- And dwell upon your grave when you are dead;
- For slander lives upon succession,
- For ever housed where it gets possession. 110
-
- ANTIPHOLUS
- OF EPHESUS: You have prevailed: I will depart in quiet,
- And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry.
- I know a wench of excellent discourse,
- Pretty and witty; wild, and yet, too, gentle:
- There will we dine. This woman that I mean,
- My wife--but, I protest, without desert--
- Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal:
- To her will we to dinner.
-
- [To Angelo]
-
- Get you home
- And fetch the chain; by this I know 'tis made: 120
- Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine;
- For there's the house: that chain will I bestow--
- Be it for nothing but to spite my wife--
- Upon mine hostess there: good sir, make haste.
- Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me,
- I'll knock elsewhere, to see if they'll disdain me.
-
- ANGELO: I'll meet you at that place some hour hence.
-
- ANTIPHOLUS
- OF EPHESUS: Do so. This jest shall cost me some expense.
-
- [Exeunt.]
-